Thursday, December 1, 2011

Advent 2011: Days 3 - 5 - It's All About the Timing

Timing is everything.  At least God's timing is.  Everything, I mean.

Back around Christmas 1985, I wanted - more than ANYTHING else - a pair of red Arabian belly dancing pajamas.  The pants flowed and moved and looked to a young girl, well, intoxicating.  I had to have them.  Needed them.  Craved them.  Could think of nothing else except those red Arabian belly dancing pajamas.

So in the weeks leading up to the B.I.G. day, I searched for them.  And I found them.  Hidden.  In the basement in a big blanket chest.  And I felt fabulous knowing that those red pajamas would be mine.

The only problem was, I had not found them under a tree on the B.I.G. day as my parents had intended.  Instead I had cheated, and by doing so, soiled the Christmas experience with a nagging, annoying, mood spoiling emotion.  Guilt.  I had messed with the timing of the gift giving.  I had taken from my parents the ability to surprise me and feel joy over making their daughter happy on the B.I.G. day.  And so I did what any good, guilt ridden, nine year old girl would do.  I faked it.  I acted surprised.  I acted as though I hadn't known that I was getting red Arabian belly dancing pajamas and that the joy on my face was R.E.A.L.  But it wasn't.  R.E.A.L.  It was forced.

I did still wear those suckers all over the place, and I did still love them, but it wasn't quite the same as it could have been.  I had shadowed, ever so slightly, the joy.

Looking back now and dealing with lots of transition and lots of decisions makes me wonder about God's timing.  I want to feel settled.  I want that dream house and that comfortable bank account and a church in an actual building that is designated as a church all seven days of the week.  I actually almost had all that.  For a little while.

Makes me want to force life's blessings like I did back when I was nine with those fabulous pajamas. And yet, I must remember the consequense of the timing.  I must turn the almosts and the not quites and I want it nows all over to Him. I must trust in His role as Father, Provider, Comforter, Teacher, Redeemer, Soul Saver, God.  I must trust and come to understand that Christmas Day will come.  Maybe on December 25th.  Maybe another time.  But on that B.I.G. day, in His perfect timing, that joy - well, it will be R.E.A.L.

1 comment:

  1. I love all of your writings. But, I believe that this my friend is my favorite. Xoxo