1. When I was a teenager, I got caught reeking of cigarettes. Of course my parents did not approve. Their responses, individually:
Mom: I am going to tell you what my mother told me (so from my grandmother) - You're a young woman over the age of eighteen in the south; You have the prerogative to make your own decisions. Notice that she didn't say she agreed with my decisions!
Dad: While we are all sitting in the den having family discussions on various topics, "You know I don't believe anyone who smokes deserves health insurance."
2. "Now, Patrish, I am not saying that you HAVE to do ________; just remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But it's up to you. "
3. After I would spend what I considered to be good quality time ironing, I would get dressed, walk to the kitchen, and my mother would almost always ask, "Do you want me to iron that? It's awfully wrinkled."
4. (A childhood favorite that I use on my own kids..) "I will be happy to take you to ________, I just have to make one stop on the way".....five stops later....
5. And one I actually did use once or twice, "You can always call us if you get in a situation (teenage party) and don't feel safe getting home." They honored that one, and I did not get yelled at; just tortured with chores and very noisy pots and pans. For that, I can only say thank you!
6. Our church had a Boar's Head Festival every year, and I danced in it. One year I didn't want to participate, so I declared I had decided to be agnostic. My parents agreed that I could be agnostic, but I was still dancing in the festival. Since it didn't benefit me to be agnostic, I decided to stay Christian instead.
7. "It's our duty to raise you to eighteen, and after that, pray we taught you to make good decsions."
Hope you enjoyed. These were just a few more little memories I thought some of you might have fun reading!
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Strength in Parenting
When strangers look at my mom, I wonder if the words that come to them include strength. Possibly not. She walks slowly, anxiously, with a look of confusion often written on her face. A person could probably tell she is, at times, uncomfortable in her own skin. She does not fit a physical definition of strength. Yet I have to guess in God's eyes she is the shining example.
My mom lost her memory almost seven years ago. It happened the day before my oldest son's first birthday, and my good ole parental units were visiting their precious youngest (me) and their newest grandchild (Key) on his very special day. My mom had been experiencing anxiety for a few weeks and had even gone to the emergency room fearing a heart attack. It had, in fact, been a panic attack. After they arrived, she went to go take a nap. When she woke up, she didn't know where she was. My dad found her, terrified, in the bedroom. We went to the emergency room, we scheduled tests, we canceled Key's party. I called my sister, who then called my brothers. Key, my parents, and I met my sis, Carol, in TN. And so was the beginning of the last seven years. In this time, my mom has suffered the initial significant memory loss, two hospitalizations for dehydration caused by ulcerative colitis, a heart attack, numerous ugly bruises from falls, anxiety, treatment for depression, and continued loss of memory. Other than the physical symptoms for the medical conditions mentioned, the doctors cannot find the ultimate cause of her progressing dementia. They can't call it Alzheimer's , because they gave her an IQ test in the midst of all this, and the woman scored a 140. Yes, a 140 - in the middle of bouts of dementia. That's the quick history of her recent past. Now, let's think about the reality of all this. What does dehydration do? It makes you confused. She was already confused before the dehydration, so she was extremely confused when all of it was combined. And ulcerative colitis is just yucky; it is not very easy to feel dignified with that disease. But my mom is a survivor. She survived it twice. She then survived a heart attack and she's still going. She still gets up every day and goes to bed every night. She goes to ride in the car and to church on Sundays. She wants to crawl into bed and not get out. Who can blame her? Yet she chooses each morning to trust my Dad. And he trusts God. It can't be easy, but together they do it. Day in. Day out. It's truly inside out beautiful. Their love is one people envy even when just looking in from a distance. I know because I see it and I hear about it from others every time I go home. It's an example in how to love a spouse. In how to trust in God. In how to get up even when you don't want to. My mom - she's one strong lady. Together my parents are one darn strong example in how to embrace life. It may not have been what they planned, but they don't give up. Her journey, their journey, has been a gorgeous and tangible example to their children in how to grow up. In how to live in faith and trust. Even when all of us children have moved away, when we have all embarked on our own marriages and our own spiritual journeys, my parents continue to parent by the example they set for each of us. Day in. Day out. It's their lifetime of days. And it is powerful and strong and real. One day at a time.
So to my mom, and to both of my parents, I love you.
Happy Mother's Day. May, 2010.
My mom lost her memory almost seven years ago. It happened the day before my oldest son's first birthday, and my good ole parental units were visiting their precious youngest (me) and their newest grandchild (Key) on his very special day. My mom had been experiencing anxiety for a few weeks and had even gone to the emergency room fearing a heart attack. It had, in fact, been a panic attack. After they arrived, she went to go take a nap. When she woke up, she didn't know where she was. My dad found her, terrified, in the bedroom. We went to the emergency room, we scheduled tests, we canceled Key's party. I called my sister, who then called my brothers. Key, my parents, and I met my sis, Carol, in TN. And so was the beginning of the last seven years. In this time, my mom has suffered the initial significant memory loss, two hospitalizations for dehydration caused by ulcerative colitis, a heart attack, numerous ugly bruises from falls, anxiety, treatment for depression, and continued loss of memory. Other than the physical symptoms for the medical conditions mentioned, the doctors cannot find the ultimate cause of her progressing dementia. They can't call it Alzheimer's , because they gave her an IQ test in the midst of all this, and the woman scored a 140. Yes, a 140 - in the middle of bouts of dementia. That's the quick history of her recent past. Now, let's think about the reality of all this. What does dehydration do? It makes you confused. She was already confused before the dehydration, so she was extremely confused when all of it was combined. And ulcerative colitis is just yucky; it is not very easy to feel dignified with that disease. But my mom is a survivor. She survived it twice. She then survived a heart attack and she's still going. She still gets up every day and goes to bed every night. She goes to ride in the car and to church on Sundays. She wants to crawl into bed and not get out. Who can blame her? Yet she chooses each morning to trust my Dad. And he trusts God. It can't be easy, but together they do it. Day in. Day out. It's truly inside out beautiful. Their love is one people envy even when just looking in from a distance. I know because I see it and I hear about it from others every time I go home. It's an example in how to love a spouse. In how to trust in God. In how to get up even when you don't want to. My mom - she's one strong lady. Together my parents are one darn strong example in how to embrace life. It may not have been what they planned, but they don't give up. Her journey, their journey, has been a gorgeous and tangible example to their children in how to grow up. In how to live in faith and trust. Even when all of us children have moved away, when we have all embarked on our own marriages and our own spiritual journeys, my parents continue to parent by the example they set for each of us. Day in. Day out. It's their lifetime of days. And it is powerful and strong and real. One day at a time.
So to my mom, and to both of my parents, I love you.
Happy Mother's Day. May, 2010.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Cox's Bazaar
My mom owned a gift shop for 25 years called Cox's Bazaar. It sold lots of cards, gifts, collectibles, and it was THE place for invitations in town. Big party, graduation, wedding, birth, baptism? Everyone in town went through Cox's Bazaar for something. It was also in a large way my childhood playground. I was born quite a bit later than my siblings. I like to call myself my parents' special surprise. I was late enough in their lives that my mom had switched her mode of thinking from how can I raise my children to what comes next? What came next for her was a business AND another child to raise. Rather than give up her opportunity to do something outside the home, she brought me up alongside her. I spent many afternoons terrorizing the ladies of the Hallmark shop by running up and down the aisles, reading all the cards in the funny section and scavenging for snacks from the store room. And the store room - it was one big dusty jungle gym. Boxes were stacked into rows and my mom literally had to climb over rows to get to her desk in the back of the room. I would sit on boxes while I ate my snacks, or I would sit at a table in the back of the actual store and look at wedding invitations. That was one of my favorite activities. Wedding invitations were displayed in GIANT books with big thick pages. I would pick out my favorites, and I would decide how I would word it just right. My mom was also a prime source in town for manners and etiquette. She had books on all the ways of appropriateness as well. As I grew older, my best friend, her younger sister(also my friend), and I worked at Cox's. My sister put in hours there as well. I have to say the McClanahan girls were much more appreciative and responsible employees than I was.
So many of life's little and yet incredibly important lessons were taught to me by my mother and by the women who worked there. Together they all helped to raise me and instill in me values I hold dear today. I had a group of women doting and loving and correcting me when I got stubborn or bossy or just plain out of line. I could have spent a lot more time in daycare or the women could have just treated me as the boss's kid, but neither of those things happened. And for this little girl, the love my mom showed me by including me in her busy life and the life of Cox's Bazaar meant the world.
So many of life's little and yet incredibly important lessons were taught to me by my mother and by the women who worked there. Together they all helped to raise me and instill in me values I hold dear today. I had a group of women doting and loving and correcting me when I got stubborn or bossy or just plain out of line. I could have spent a lot more time in daycare or the women could have just treated me as the boss's kid, but neither of those things happened. And for this little girl, the love my mom showed me by including me in her busy life and the life of Cox's Bazaar meant the world.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Afternoon snacks
My mom has a sweet tooth. A big one. And I am her fifth child. Which meant that by the time I came along, she got to have fun with me rather than fret over my every move. She was a more relaxed mom than the ones my friends had. Therefore, I got stuff other kids didn't. While other kids went home to carrot sticks and fresh fruit, we went to the mini mart. My mom allowed each of us (her and me) to pick out one drink and one candy bar every afternoon after school. She would get a Diet Coke and a Mr. Goodbar. I would get a Sprite and Reese's cups or a Mr. Goodbar or a Payday. I had a list of favorites. My dad must have thought this was a delicious idea, because he got a Snickers out of the vending machine at work every afternoon. He told us so. Eventually my dad's candy bar habit caught up to him when his doctor told him his cholesterol and blood pressure were less than ideal. He started eating more salad and skipping the candy bars. My MOM, though, was born with good genetics when it comes to cholesterol, so our daily ritual remained safe for years to come. On weekends, I could ride my bike down the this same mini mart for hot dog lunches, as long as I brought back enough for the family. Nowadays, there aren't many mini marts with a grill directly behind the cash register, and nutritionists deeply frown upon candy bar snacks every afternoon. But the truth is, it was a special little thing just between Mom and me. And I still smile while thinking of her every time I see a Mr. Goodbar.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Armpit of South Carolina
Lovely title for my entry, I realize. I figure I have earned a certain right to call Columbia names since I have been here awhile. I also profess to love this town, so it is with love that I call it an armpit. But really, this week is about my mom, so let me get on with it.
When I was growing up, each summer my family rented an old clapboard beach house with sandy floors and ceiling fans in every room. The house changed each year, but it was usually on the beach with nice breezes, it never had air conditioning, and it was almost always at North Myrtle Beach. There were no hotels at the time - just old houses. In order to get to North Myrtle Beach from Maryville, TN we had to drive over the river and through the woods to SC, eventually going through Columbia and then on to the beach. Our family car was a big green Buick with bench seats and premium vinyl upholstery. The other siblings and I drew imaginary lines down the back seat and I asked "How much longer?" the whole way there. My favorite spot in the family car was in front between my parents, and if I got tired, I would lie down with my head in my dad's lap and my feet in my mom's. Great stuff. Except when we were driving through one of the hottest, humid, energy zapping areas in the whole world. Air came to Columbia and got so tired of blowing it just stopped and took a nap. It still does this every July through September. It was and is stifling in Columbia in the summer. And this is where our family car overheated one year. The fix - turn on the heater at full blast to pull heat away from the engine. The entire family was sweaty, sticky, and literally stuck to the vinyl in the big green Buick. The temperature outside was well over 100 degrees. It was memorable, that's for sure. We all remember that trip. That memory is why when I heard Columbia referred to as the armpit of SC, it stuck with me. What I don't remember is my mom ever complaining. Me, oh definitely. But my mom is a trooper - she always has been. It's one of many qualities in her that I admire.
To Mom and Dad - Thank you for all those vacations. They are still treasured; even the hot parts!
When I was growing up, each summer my family rented an old clapboard beach house with sandy floors and ceiling fans in every room. The house changed each year, but it was usually on the beach with nice breezes, it never had air conditioning, and it was almost always at North Myrtle Beach. There were no hotels at the time - just old houses. In order to get to North Myrtle Beach from Maryville, TN we had to drive over the river and through the woods to SC, eventually going through Columbia and then on to the beach. Our family car was a big green Buick with bench seats and premium vinyl upholstery. The other siblings and I drew imaginary lines down the back seat and I asked "How much longer?" the whole way there. My favorite spot in the family car was in front between my parents, and if I got tired, I would lie down with my head in my dad's lap and my feet in my mom's. Great stuff. Except when we were driving through one of the hottest, humid, energy zapping areas in the whole world. Air came to Columbia and got so tired of blowing it just stopped and took a nap. It still does this every July through September. It was and is stifling in Columbia in the summer. And this is where our family car overheated one year. The fix - turn on the heater at full blast to pull heat away from the engine. The entire family was sweaty, sticky, and literally stuck to the vinyl in the big green Buick. The temperature outside was well over 100 degrees. It was memorable, that's for sure. We all remember that trip. That memory is why when I heard Columbia referred to as the armpit of SC, it stuck with me. What I don't remember is my mom ever complaining. Me, oh definitely. But my mom is a trooper - she always has been. It's one of many qualities in her that I admire.
To Mom and Dad - Thank you for all those vacations. They are still treasured; even the hot parts!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Cookies
To start off all the things that I have to be thankful to my momma for, I will share a family recipe. We've all eaten these cookies (school cafeterias make sheets of this stuff, but my mom's is better), and all women in my family have it memorized. These cookies make me think of my childhood, my mom in the kitchen, and me getting to scrape the bowl. Yumm!!! I also distinctly remember my brother and me shoving as many in our mouths at one time to make sure we got more than the other. He's twelve years older - he always won. EXCEPT when I screamed, "MOM, John's eating all the cookies and not sharing!!! Come quick!!!"
Okay, so I did win sometimes, after all.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Drops
Bring to a boil:
1 stick butter (there is no substituting; cookies will not harden with a substitute)
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup milk
Remove from heat. Stir in:
3 tablespoons cocoa
2/3 cup crunchy peanut butter (needs the crunchy)
2 1/4 cups quick one minute oatmeal
Drop by teaspoonful on waxed paper.
They take about 30 minutes to harden. Lift sections of wax paper off the counter and peel them off the paper one at a time. A very humid environment can mess this up and they may take a little longer to harden. I grew up in TN, which I thought was humid, until I moved to the armpit of SC, which I discovered is way more humid! If you accidentally use margarine in TN, you MIGHT be okay. If you accidentally use margarine in SC, the cookies take more than a day to harden. (And by the way, I truly love living in Columbia, but I have other family memories to explain my nickname for the place.)
Or just forget about dropping them and letting them harden and eat the whole pot of ooey gooey deliciousness. Just make sure you share with your kids. It's tradition that the kids get to scrape the pot - it makes memories!
To be continued...
Okay, so I did win sometimes, after all.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Drops
Bring to a boil:
1 stick butter (there is no substituting; cookies will not harden with a substitute)
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup milk
Remove from heat. Stir in:
3 tablespoons cocoa
2/3 cup crunchy peanut butter (needs the crunchy)
2 1/4 cups quick one minute oatmeal
Drop by teaspoonful on waxed paper.
They take about 30 minutes to harden. Lift sections of wax paper off the counter and peel them off the paper one at a time. A very humid environment can mess this up and they may take a little longer to harden. I grew up in TN, which I thought was humid, until I moved to the armpit of SC, which I discovered is way more humid! If you accidentally use margarine in TN, you MIGHT be okay. If you accidentally use margarine in SC, the cookies take more than a day to harden. (And by the way, I truly love living in Columbia, but I have other family memories to explain my nickname for the place.)
Or just forget about dropping them and letting them harden and eat the whole pot of ooey gooey deliciousness. Just make sure you share with your kids. It's tradition that the kids get to scrape the pot - it makes memories!
To be continued...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Moms
I have been thinking about Mother's Day quite a bit this year. To be honest, I think about Mother's Day every year because my birthday, my MIL's birthday, and Mother's Day are always together on the same weekend. It's a big weekend, and people from my husband's family start asking early about my wish list. Usually I am ready to provide a litany of "I wannas" because there are always material things that catch my eye or would be fun to own. Yet this year I am feeling the lull of satisfaction. This year I don't have a list nor do I have something expensive I am saving up for that could be accomplished through a collection of birthday cash. So, I don't really know what I want. My own mother has been at this stage for years. She became even more deeply entrenched in the "I don't need a thing" stage once her dementia set in. She isn't into clothes, and my dad makes sure she wears appropriate outfits. She has never been a woman that enjoyed potions and makeup. She can't read very well because she can't remember from one reading session to the next. Plus she always went to the library because back in her reading prime she could devour numerous mystery novels at a time. She no longer knits or watches tv or socializes. She really wants for nothing because her life has become limited. She needs my father (and her medicine) and honestly she's satisfied. She'd probably love a bottle of wine and a large bag of chocolate, but besides that, there's nothing. (I am my mother's daughter as I just figured out my wish list - wine and chocolate!) So I have started thinking, what can I give her besides the predictable phone call? And then it came to me - some memories. This is a woman of great strength, beauty, compassion, and stubbornness, and she can't remember. She feels so grateful and blessed to have us as her children. She doesn't remember her part in molding us into who we have become. I need tell her we (her children) were the ones God blessed when He gave us the parents He did. Therefore, for Mother's Day, I want to share some of my mother's wisdom, recipes, and humor with you as I prepare it to give back to her.
To be continued...
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