Lenten Journal Day 10

I know I seem to write about my kids more often than not, but I think they are a major way in which God speaks to me. This time God chose Kelly to pass on a very important message. Here's our conversation:

Kelly - If I pray really hard for a BIG pile of legos to appear right ....here (pointing to the carpet) will God give them to me? I really want a BIG (arms opened as wide as he can get them) pile of legos!



Me - I don't think it works that way, Kelly. Do I think God is powerful enough to get you those legos? Yes. Do I think he's going to? Probably not. He might. But he also might have other plans for you today, and they don't necessarily include a BIG pile of legos magically appearing in front of you.



Kelly - (Quiet for awhile, twirling and standing on his head, then pausing) I still believe in God. Even if I don't get legos. And I still believe in Jesus.

Here's the thing. I've been turning God into Santa Claus in my mind. I don't mean to, but I have been doing it without even realizing it. I want to move. I am ready to get on with our new life in Rock Hill. And in my obsessive personality, I have been rushing prematurely towards a move that is not yet planned. I keep thinking that if I pray hard enough, God will give me my dream home in Rock Hill. And I keep waiting for my present. I keep treating each night like it's Christmas Eve, and each new day like a kid who's been given coal when nothing in my world happens. I keep waiting. Of course, waiting is really not the correct word. Nor is praying. Nail biting, worrying, panic inducing, obsessing is a much more accurate description of what has been going on in my mind. I've also been irritated with God for not playing out his Santa Claus role in my set time frame.

I didn't realize any of this until I had the above conversation with Kelly. When I reread those words and inserted house for legos , I realized my folly. I haven't been believing and loving and trusting no matter what. I have simply been making demands and then waiting to see them come true. And that behavior is not real faith. Real faith comes from Kelly's wisdom - believing in God and Jesus no matter what they give me. Accepting them as Truth. No if's. No and's. No but's. Just accepting that they are.

The Truth.

The Light.

Whether I get my BIG house (any house) or not.

Lenten Journal Day 9

So I just went to Walgreens to pick up a prescription, and I ran into a couple of women from my church. Forest Acres is just a small town tucked into one corner of Columbia. May I add that I was in old yoga pants a size or so too small, drugstore flip flops, and a decent t shirt complete with necklace to take the attention off my yoga (pajama) pants? I should have known I was going to run into at least one person. Anyway, while standing in the parking lot with these lovely ladies, we witnessed a wreck. It wasn't a bad one. A guy was pulling into a parking space when a woman in a neighboring car opened her door to get out. He hit her door, crunching it, and busted out a light on his car. He immediately bolted towards anger, repeatedly yelling at the woman and asking her, "Really???" She stood obviously a bit intimidated and shaken up that she had almost been run over. He never once saw any fault with himself, all the while appearing unstable and ranting about his headlight. Meanwhile she continued to stand there, unable to close her door, and trying to figure out how to better her situation. So, we walked over, and we suggested she call the police to file a report. He said there was no need, since she could pay for his light and that they were on private property, it being a parking lot and all.

We told her to call anyway. We were all thinking, "Umm, yeah, buddy, you're screaming at someone you almost ran over, so we can certainly understand why she would refuse help all the while agreeing to pay for your damaged light....come again?"

She was already dialing as he presented his convincing argument that no police be involved. Once she had an officer on that handy little cell phone, he got much quieter and went into the store to get his prescription. He wasn't my favorite character in this particular situation. But I can't judge him either.

Because, when I'm honest, how many times have I turned to anger, blinded by my part in a situation? How many times have I chosen being right over being civil? How many times have I defended my position rather than worked to solve a problem?

This entire morning reminds me of a definition of anger that I try to keep close when I feel frustration rising up.

Anger = Not getting my way

That guy's day was not going his way, that's for sure. He needed some sort of drug, which means he was already not feeling well in one way or another. His day had just suddenly been delayed. He was wearing work clothes. Now his car needed repairs. And he took it all out on this one lady. How many times have I taken out mounting frustration in one fell swoop?

I really don't have answers. All I can say, is he looked ugly this morning. I know there have been times I have looked plenty ugly myself. (And I'm not talking about the yoga pants.) And seeing him show himself in such a way made me get calmer. It made me not want to be like him. So on this journey for lent where I have agreed to if not give up anger, to at least keep it in check, I will picture him. My example of what anger looks like. And I gotta tell you, I really don't want to look that way. ever. again.

Lenten Journal Day 8

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I figured it would be a good day to share lyrics of a famous Christian songwriter and singer from Ireland. Robin Mark is one of my all time favorites. I might be biased, given that Michael, my husband, is a drummer and had the unique opportunity to play his drums in concert with Robin not once, but twice.



When It's All Been Said and Done

by Robin Mark


When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?

When it's all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I have done
For love's rewards
Will stand the test of time

Lord, your mercy is so great
That you look beyond our weakness
That you found purest gold in miry clay
Turning sinners into saints

I will always sing your praise
Here on earth and in heaven after
For you've joined me at my true home
When it's all been said and done
You're my life when life is gone.

Lenten Journal Day 7

So, this writing every day thing is getting to be a mixed up bowl of blessings. It's a good exercise, but truthfully, I don't always feel like writing. However, I promised God I would, and as my mom loved to say, "Patrish, the road to hell is paved with good intentions." (Imagine it being said in a southern accent, coolots, and a polo reading, Cox's Hallmark Bazaar.)

So, if I don't want to help on paving the road directly to the devil, I must keep up my promise. But seriously.

The only thing striking me today spiritually is my gratefulness for Jesus. For what His life and death means for Christians. It means we get a God that is all powerful, and yet like no other God among our world religions. He extends grace. (I didn't think this up on my own. It's in a book called What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey.) In the past couple of weeks I have been reminded that in my little bubble called the bible belt, I am usually sheltered from outside religions. While my shelter provides me a safe haven, there can be times when this is not a good thing, in my opinion. The more educated we become of what's outside our immediate surroundings, I believe the more aware we become of our differences and similarities. These experiences make us more compassionate and understanding, they give each culture new richness, and I also believe we become more appreciative when we arrive back home.

My son, Key, has a precious friend I will name Fred (just keepin' the real name private, being that he's not my child) that I absolutely adore. Key keeps telling me Fred is not perfect, but I beg to differ. He really is just precious. Seriously. Tall, skinny, preppy with glasses, gangly legs and arms, good manners, and smart. He also has the same eight year old boy humor as my son which I personally find hilarious. And Fred - dear child - is Hindu. He's been a wonderful addition to my son's experience with the world outside of South Carolina. Fred goes to spend summers in India with his grandparents, and they come here to visit for long periods of time. And Key gets swept up with them as if he is one of their own. He loves it. So one day on the way to church, Key says to us, "Dad, Fred had to be good in school all week. He couldn't get any marks because he has to go to temple, and the gods will be angry if he gets marks in school." I think my heart stopped for a second. And in that moment, I wanted Fred in our car so I could sweep him up and tell him he's just a boy. It's okay to mess up. It's one of the big ways we learn. I know Fred's parents well, and they are gentle, kind people. But the gods that keep a checklist are a part of their culture. So my husband talked with Key about how Jesus would feel if Key got a mark at school. We talked about Jesus forgiving us when we mess up. About how Jesus doesn't keep a checklist. All I could think was how I want Fred to know he's loved - no matter what - and how thankful I am that I know about a different God and His unending grace.

Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father's Son, in truth and love.

2 John 3

Lenten Journal Day 6

Today I ask a favor of you. Most of you know that my house is for sale. I picked my real estate agent by visiting open houses in the neighborhood, scouting out competition. When I first met Bruce, I did not know we were moving, but I did know it was a possibility, and since I have an obsessive personality, I immediately started doing research. He was the one that was nice, and honest, and not pushy. We became acquaintances, and he was helpful even before we knew what we would be doing. And so, when the time came to sell our home, we picked Bruce.

Then, the week he was to come over and list our home, he called to say that he was in the hospital. Bruce is a leukemia survivor, and the disease had come back. We waited, but he did not get out of the hospital. So, he sent over a friend, Bob Wilkins, who is now our real estate agent. He's also great, by the way. Bruce has been in and out of the hospital since last November receiving chemo. In his off time he has continued to work, and has been very kind in hosting open houses for us.

Today, Bruce goes in the hospital to receive more chemo and prepare for his bone marrow transplant. The transplant will happen next week. Here's my favor. Please add him to your prayer list. I know he'd be grateful. I also had a thought this morning that the wait that my family is going through for our move is hard. It really is. Some times I wait more patiently than other times. But my wait cannot even start to compare with the wait Bruce goes through in battling leukemia. So please pray for him as you see fit. I personally pray for healing and also for a restful heart. I pray for his whole family as they all wait together.

Lenten Journal Day 5

Perseverance.

Last fall, my son, Key, started playing club soccer. For their first eleven - yes, eleven - games together as a team, they lost. So you can understand my joy in watching his team come from that start last fall to this past weekend where they just won their first tournament. These boys worked so hard, and kept playing, and kept playing, and steadily improved. And this weekend, they won, and then won again, and finished by winning the whole darn thing. Key wore his medal to school today. I keep getting teary eyed I'm so happy for him. You know what he said? "I love soccer! I'm never gonna quit playing! Never, ever!"

I could go on and on telling you sweet stories from this weekend. I pray for the goalie that lost in sudden death and at the same time rejoice for the team that won because they are our friends. I am so impressed beyond words by the kids with casts on their legs that sat in uniform with their teams, and I especially loved seeing one of our SCUFC players that had the flu come to sit to watch the final match and support his buddies, his teammates.

These boys exemplify perseverance. And as one of the mommas losing her voice on the sidelines, it's just beautiful. I learn from their example every weekend. Seriously.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

Lenten Journal Day 4

It's another soccer weekend. Fact is, it's often a soccer weekend, especially if the calendar is anywhere in the vicinity of January thru May or August thru December. Thank goodness Michael and I don't mind standing outside. We're getting better at it too. We used to show up and borrow stuff from others, but now we have our own chairs and snacks and sunscreen and hats and jackets and blankets and extra soccer ball. It like a day at the beach without sand or water. It's also a marvelous place to watch human behavior at its worst and its best.

This morning Key's team won. So that alone makes it easy to be gracious. It also made me wonder if I could muster up such goodwill if we had lost. See, the ref really preferred the other team. He particularly liked their player number 4. He particularly disliked our player number 27. So much so that it was a bit difficult to watch at times. Our player number 27 might as well have gone to sit on the bench for the entirety of the game, because if he so much as touched the ball with his feet he was called down. The other team got several goal kicks, drop kicks, penalty kicks, etc. Player four on the other team quickly learned he was well liked, and once he figured out no whistle would be blown on him, he used this knowledge to trip, push, illegally tackle, etc.

At the sidelines, parents were becoming frustrated, especially the parents of kids getting knocked down. Surprisingly, player 27's mom remained calm and positive as she stated that the ref really did not like her son. In addition to the parents were the siblings observing all of this display of human nature and absorbing lessons. I have to say, I think other than the obvious frustration of the ref's calls, the parents kept a positive attitude overall. Their coach has continued to drill into the boys other people's behavior does not give them permission to react in a way that reflects negatively on them, their team, or their league. At all times they must play fairly. If they get tripped, they get up; they do not trip back. If they get pushed down, they do not retaliate. They let their sportsmanship and their soccer skills speak for themselves. They play assertively, aggressively if needed, but always fairly. Always. Two things can get them ripped off the field - walking and bad sportsmanship.

Here's where I'm going with all this.

Jesus is not passive.
He lets His actions speak for themselves.
He turns the other cheek and moves forward.
He is fair.
And gracious - no matter the score.

Because a score is merely a circumstance. That's all. Sometimes it's good, sometimes not. But it's in the end still just a circumstance.

How we behave is merely an outward sign of what is in our hearts. And today, I saw goodness all around me.

Matthew 7:12a In everything do to others as you would have them do to you.