Insecurities - I have had a lot of those lately. My life is in transition. All around me events are whirring and I don't always know which way to turn, to look, to go. The bible study I have attended for two years ended. I was using it as a buffer so as not to get involved in other activities. While the study has been a deep blessing, I have also used it as an excuse not to try other things or make friends in other places, and now it is done. My older child is going through his own transitions and needs guidance, love, and stability. My husband is working through internal questions of his own. Friends that I cherish are moving, others have rejoined the workforce and aren't calling nearly so often, and other friendships are changing. None of these transitions are wrong or negative, yet when they all get thrown together they make me very nervous. Truth be told, the changes have the potential to be wonderful in many ways. I have a stable set of Godly women as a support system while I venture out to connect with new women. Friendships are maturing, and there are opportunities to serve old friends as they go through their own life changes. My husband can consider new directions in career and calling that would draw him closer to God and to his true self. Many wonderful blessings are born out of transition. Yet I start to question my footing and then my support system and then all the other insecurities I've developed over my lifetime start pushing to the front of my mind. They start interrupting my day.
And this is when I remind myself that the world does not revolve around me. Thank God. I mean it. Thank you Lord. This is the part where I remember I am not that great, but I am loved. And then I calm down, and I notice the beautiful four year old boy playing next to me. And all those insecurities scurry back into the darkness while my blessings shine forth. My day can once again resume. Grace can replace fear of rejection. Love can laugh in the face of judgment. Those insecurities will come back; they are still there. To reference C.S. Lewis, they are a few of the rats in my cellar. And the cleaning of a cellar takes time... But in the meantime, my four year old and I are singing....
Let your light shine!! Whoa, Whoa!! Let your light shine!! (VBS song)
and in the car, thanks to my friend, Melanie W.
Garbage in, Garbage out, What goes in is found out... (Christian cd)