I have a lot of time to myself today. In fact, about four hours. For some, this can't possibly be enough. For today, for me, it is almost more than I can handle. When I realized I had this much time and that it was not yet half way over, I broke down. Panicked. Because I realized that in two months my youngest will start kindergarten, and I will be alone. Every day. For seven hours at a time. I temporarily decided that I needed to home school. Not for them. For me. So that I won't be left alone.
Once I had calmed down, I realized that what my husband teasingly said to me a few weeks ago is true.
"Someone is going to have some growing up to do come August."
And that someone is me. I am going to have to learn to be comfortable with time for myself, with myself, with my thoughts. When my oldest went off to school, I was chronically ill, and looking forward to some time to rest. My husband was the one that teared up when we dropped him off. But now, I am on my last child, and having only two, I got no practice time between having the first and the last. This is it. Anywhoo... This new phase of our family's life is not just big for the kids, it's big for all of us.