Saturday, March 19, 2011

Lenten Journal Day 10

I know I seem to write about my kids more often than not, but I think they are a major way in which God speaks to me. This time God chose Kelly to pass on a very important message. Here's our conversation:

Kelly - If I pray really hard for a BIG pile of legos to appear right (pointing to the carpet) will God give them to me? I really want a BIG (arms opened as wide as he can get them) pile of legos!

Me - I don't think it works that way, Kelly. Do I think God is powerful enough to get you those legos? Yes. Do I think he's going to? Probably not. He might. But he also might have other plans for you today, and they don't necessarily include a BIG pile of legos magically appearing in front of you.

Kelly - (Quiet for awhile, twirling and standing on his head, then pausing) I still believe in God. Even if I don't get legos. And I still believe in Jesus.

Here's the thing. I've been turning God into Santa Claus in my mind. I don't mean to, but I have been doing it without even realizing it. I want to move. I am ready to get on with our new life in Rock Hill. And in my obsessive personality, I have been rushing prematurely towards a move that is not yet planned. I keep thinking that if I pray hard enough, God will give me my dream home in Rock Hill. And I keep waiting for my present. I keep treating each night like it's Christmas Eve, and each new day like a kid who's been given coal when nothing in my world happens. I keep waiting. Of course, waiting is really not the correct word. Nor is praying. Nail biting, worrying, panic inducing, obsessing is a much more accurate description of what has been going on in my mind. I've also been irritated with God for not playing out his Santa Claus role in my set time frame.

I didn't realize any of this until I had the above conversation with Kelly. When I reread those words and inserted house for legos , I realized my folly. I haven't been believing and loving and trusting no matter what. I have simply been making demands and then waiting to see them come true. And that behavior is not real faith. Real faith comes from Kelly's wisdom - believing in God and Jesus no matter what they give me. Accepting them as Truth. No if's. No and's. No but's. Just accepting that they are.

The Truth.

The Light.

Whether I get my BIG house (any house) or not.


  1. Oh so good & so true. Thanks for that sweet reminder. :)

  2. This was so written for me. And pretty much sums up my last two years. What I want to know is why it is so much easier for me to worry, obsess, and freak out about my circumstance rather than rest in his peace and promises. It's seems so counterintuitive. Human Nature is annoying sometimes. :)